Have you ever been so mad you literally want to spit nails? Each time I find a new deception I find myself locked in a world of "this is the disorder, not the man". But honestly, how many times can you tell yourself that before it starts sounding like another lame excuse, even to you?
Today, I feel that way. Even after hours of open communication and what sounded like real sentiment...one little ism is enough to send me into a spiral of doubt yet again. My heart jumps in my throat and my anger flares. So many emotions to process, so many absolutes versus gray area. It is days like this when I really don't know what to do, when I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to scream, I want to fight, I want to cry. I want to choke the life out of those that make this struggle even harder than it already is.. And not a damn bit of it will make me feel any better.
So, here we are. Having had several "good" days and yet, my happiness is over shadowed by pain. And still I hold on...
God I must be a fucking idiot! Always said I was a glutton for pain, especially when it comes to him.
Today, I feel that way. Even after hours of open communication and what sounded like real sentiment...one little ism is enough to send me into a spiral of doubt yet again. My heart jumps in my throat and my anger flares. So many emotions to process, so many absolutes versus gray area. It is days like this when I really don't know what to do, when I don't know how much more I can take.
I want to scream, I want to fight, I want to cry. I want to choke the life out of those that make this struggle even harder than it already is.. And not a damn bit of it will make me feel any better.
So, here we are. Having had several "good" days and yet, my happiness is over shadowed by pain. And still I hold on...
God I must be a fucking idiot! Always said I was a glutton for pain, especially when it comes to him.
No comments:
Post a Comment