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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Who Are They?!!!

Who are they? Who are they to dictate to me, to you, to anyone for that matter? I mean seriously, Who the Fuck are they?!!!
In my eyes, they are no one. They are nothing more than the sorry oppressors I have fought against my entire life. They are the meak, the meager, the belittling few that must push their will on everyone else in order to feel relevance in this life. I have no patience, no tolerance for that kind of drama in my life.
Do they not know the fire they are playing with? Are they not aware of the danger they are envoking? I dare say they do not. You don't know me from Adam, son and you are about to find out why he loves me so innately as I do him. We are similar creatures, yet you try to impose your will upon us. It will come back to bit you my child, in a most violent way.
I am no jellyfish, I am no wallflower. I will never stand idly by and allow someone to dictate to me the direction of my life or the definition of my character within this arena. Who I am speaks loudly in my actions and the way I treat others. If you do not "approve" of me and my choices or the words I use to define myself, that is on you my friend, that is on you. As I have stated, you don't know me from Adam.
You don't know the girl that was beaten, bruised and abused. You don't know the woman that fought for everything she is and has in this life. You don't know the survivor that will stand toe to toe with you, without fear or reservation in her eye, daring you to walk the line you have so ostentasiously laid in front of you.
There is no man on this earth that I fear and there is no man that I will cower in fear from or back down from. There is one that I conceded to, out of respect and love, and that is all.
Don't for one minute, under estimate my resolve, my tenor, my strength. It will be your biggest mistake.

You had an inkling of respect, for a brief interlude...that moment is quickly slipping away. I feel nothing but pity and an ever growing contempt for you.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Seeds of Doubt

Seeds of doubt, once planted, can not be revoked. The damage is already done. They are a cancer that spreads uncontrolled though the rational mind, destroying foundations that were shaky to begin with. For one that is already fearful, suspicious and overly cautious, a single seed of doubt, no matter how ludicrous, can crumble a strong foundation.

Even with a word that is strong as the individual that has spoken them, reassuring and confident, that little cancerous seed wraps its vines around the base, spreading and widening the cracks that she desperately tries to fill in with logic and what she knows to be true. DAMN YOU!! Thank you for rocking my existence, making me doubt myself, my intuition, my heart. I hope the retribution that you have received causes you an exemplified magnitude of the hell you put me through with your careless and selfish words.

Fear and doubt shall not rule me, logic and love will persevere.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

"No More Drama"

All I want is a drama free existence, is that too much to ask. I was fine on my own, though lonely and depressed. I was happy here for awhile, until this started. All I want is a little piece of land, my animals and the love of my life...to live in peace. Is that too much to ask? Really, is it?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Beautifully Broken

Beautifully broken, forever scared... Do these traits negate someone the right to love, to acceptance? The hardened street dog that snaps at frightened passersby, does he deserve a life of solitude because his bite is as bad as his bark? The semi-neurotic, angry, bitter woman, who's scars are much deeper than anyone can tell hidden behind the dangerous flash in her electric green eyes, is she destined for loneliness? Or the violent, terminally homicidal soldier who thrashes in his sleep, fighting an unknown enemy, is he forever lost in a world of death?
These are our reality, our family. We are beautifully broken, hardened by the world around us, the one we have survived and lived in, now finding refuge and solitude within the embrace of each other. The love is pure, the loyalty is deep, there is no fear between us as we all know where the other has been. Sure, the landscapes may have been different, but the trauma has had the same effect.
The pup, tossed back again and again, forced to wander the streets. The woman, tossed to the wayside, over looked, consumed, abused and beaten, forced to fight for her own survival. The soldier, constantly in survival mode, living again and again in wars, fighting for his own survival and that of his brothers.
I would give none of them up, would give my life for them, sparing no cost for their happiness and peace. And they would do the same for me.

To see the tears welling up in his eyes at the thought of his terrors causing me pain, broke my heart. I wish I knew how to help, I have no words to comfort. Only empathy in my eyes, strength in my arms and heart and pride in my being..this is what I offer. I have fallen irrevocably in love with this man, there is no turning back, no second choice. He is the love of my life. This is my family. For better or worse. Beautifully broken and irreplaceable.