Trust, it is something I never do. Too many disappointments and broken promises in my life have created that little quirk in my personality. I don't trust anyone, not even God. I hate to say it, but it's true. Because having trust means you are relying on someone else to meet your expectations and in the real world, that rarely ever happens. If I don't trust, I don't get disappointed, I don't get hurt... I stay in control. (Or so the illusion that I have wrapped myself in leads me to believe)
Here is the irony of the situation though. My lack of trust does nothing but lead me to more hurt, more disappointment, more loneliness. Why? Because my neurotic self goes into overdrive when I don't trust and I build up mountains out of mole hills, or better yet, I create great divides where there wasn't even a crack to begin with. All in the name of self preservation...
So, here I sit, realizing this about myself and I am facing down this particular demon because I am tired of living this way..always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the door to slam, for my heart to get broken or for me to get left behind. I am going to trust. Yes, you heard it right, I'm going to trust.
I trust in God that I am exactly where I am meant to be. I trust in my partner when he isn't with me, I trust that he loves me for who I am and wants me as well. I trust my team to do what they believe is best at the time, the same as I do. I trust my management team to lead us in the right direction without my input.
I trust that in learning to let go, I will be happy.
As the cynic in me is rolling on the floor laughing, the trepedacious individual inside that is stepping forward and trying something new for the betterment of the whole babysteps, all the while repeating, I trust, I trust... For if I can not learn to trust others, how can I expect them to ever trust in me?
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