Thursday, August 11, 2011

Paradigm Shift

I hear you calling to me, finally, I hear what you are telling me. It has taken many many years, but I finally hear. "You don't have to fight so hard against the world". I heard him say it to me and I fought him. I am constantly fighting, never settling. But what am I fighting against, really? Is it anything that is going to make a damn bit of difference when I leave this world? No, it isn't. Is it worth the headache, the misery, the malcontent that I feel during the fight? No, it isn't. Is it worth all that I've lost in pursuit of this win that I've been after for my entire life? No, it isn't.
So why am I still fighting? I started school to fight against my employer. I've made enemies of my co-workers because I fight their ideals. I'm about to lose love because I'm still fighting and it's starting to come against him as well.
Yes, I am a handful. To that, there is absolutely no question. But I don't need to be a handful in this instance. I do not need to fight against the world. I need to slow down and live within the world, love the life that I have and breathe, just breathe.
Ok God, I'm listening and I finally hear you. I don't have to fight. You made me strong, you made me smart, you made me full of life and love. Yes, I've been hurt by those nearest to me, which is why I've fought so hard for so long. But it has prepared me for where I'm at now. Now, it is time to be me and live, laugh, love with all of my heart. I pray the damage has not been too severe. You led me here, lead me through it please Lord.

Thank you for all of the blessings in my life.

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