Moments

This life is full of moments. Some memorible, some forgettable..our lives are defined by these moments. It is often said, life is not about the breaths we take, but the moments that take our breaths away. I have had a life filled with moments, some quite insignificant, some breathtaking..to the point of suffocation. Todays reiterated all to clearly how true that statement is. I attended a funeral for the husband of a cousin who has become very dear to me in the last 3 years. She is part of a link to a life that has passed, one that was and is more dear to me than any other I've known. At 33 years of age, she is recently widowed, left to fend for herself and the 2 children they adopted together. He was her best friend, her soul mate, her lover of 13 years. She is completely lost without him.
Though I have not suffered her exact loss, I know her pain. I know what it feels like to have your chest ache mearly from the pain of taking one breath for simple existence. I know what it is like to wonder, lost, not knowing what your next move is. Tom Hanks said it best in Sleepless in Seatlle when speaking to Dr. Marsha Fieldstone on the call in radio show that his son called in on..she asked him point blank, "So tell me Sam, what are you going to do." His reply was, "Dr. Marsha, can I call you Dr. Marsha...I'm going to remind myself to get out of bed every day, and I'm going to remind myself to breathe in and out until I don't have to remind myself to get out of bed and to breathe in and out and try to forget how I had it great and perfect for awhile"
Loss is painful. I have laid to rest too many to count, too many to remember. Death is the great equalizer. It does not discriminate, young, old...sick, healthy, it does not matter. When it is your time, it is your time and you will go. It will destroy those that you leave behind. How you touched the lives around you will be put in the spotlight. Today, the man that was laid to rest was one that I did not know. But I hold dear the person that he left behind and it ripped my heart out to see her hurt so terribly much. I've been there, far too often in my life, felt the loss, the pang of death..and it cuts deep into my heart every time.
Yes, death is the great equalizer... and I am it's scale, feeling to the core every ounce of loss...

this is how he created me..this is how I shall always be.

My life is forever filled with moments and I am defined by those that touch me.