Saturday, March 26, 2011

Blogging, blogging, blogging..keep them doggies bloggin, Rawhide!!!

The absence of writing has been a direct result of feeling better. Odd how that works, isn't it. Not that my thoughts have ceased, they just take on a much lighter tone and instead of writing them down..I am constantly analyzing my every move. I am anal, literally anal, about everything. The no bullshit, no frills girl that can't let anything go because she is so busy analzying everything. I carry it all in my shoulders and am always tense...

Like the most recent thought, that is subsequently a recurring thought...How does one become G.I.Jane? I have admired that woman since I first saw the movie. She is the epitome of what I have always thought I was. One big difference, she never quit. I have. That song, "I hear voices", has a line in it that says "Son you quit that team, you'll be a quitter for the rest of your life"..Man alive isn't that the truth.
I quit my first team when I was 13 years old. I literally walked out on my volleyball team because of the drama and the bs. I was never a popular girl and with the events that surrounded me, I was the brunt of cruelty. So, rather than be attacked, I walked out. I have walked out on so many things since then. I got bored in high school, though I did finish. I had my future planned out...and I walked out on it. Why do I always walk away? This is the lessons I've learned in my life and I've repeated them over and over.
But I did not quit on Justin, I did not quit on myself, I did not quit on my children. Maybe there is some hope for me yet.
Anyway, I digress. How does one become G.I. Jane? This is my new project, myself in the physical sense. Along with progressing with my financial stability (business is where I rock). How do I do it>? How do I become that which I have idealized for years, and in my minds eye, I am her...but in the mirror, I am not. How do I? How do I? How do I?....

Stay tuned....

Perhaps the answers will reveal themselves.

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