Often times, I find myself avoiding the mirror simply because I do not recognize the face staring back at me half the time. My recent travels brought so many things to light in my existence, it has taken me a bit to process it all. One of the topics of discussion was when you look in the mirror, who do you see? And the answer was so honest, so heart-wrenchingly distraught, so resonating..."I dress the part, but at the end of the day, all I see is a question..why would anyone want me?.." And another even deeper answer.."I don't have mirrors, because I can't bear to see me."
What is it about that little piece of glass that keeps us at bay? It doesn't lie, it lays everything we hide from the rest of the world bare. Every scar, bad thought, happy thought, everything is there for us to see. I have often thought that I live with my choices and I'm okay with them, because I can look at myself in the mirror. Funny, I don't hide from the mirror because of my choices. I hide because of the memories, the scars, the irrepairable damage that distorts the image like a fun-house mirror.
Even now, after realizing that even with the hell that I lived through, my reality was a cake walk compared to some others. We all need perspective sometimes, but it astounds me how similiar our outlooks are. The degrees of severity of the pain we experienced are on a grand scale, but when it comes right down to it, the way we view the world is essentially the same.
A recent horoscope of mine told me to "shut up and write the book", so I guess it's time to finish what I started and give some voice to that silent pain felt by so many....
I am still pursuing becoming G.I. Jane, though the G.I. has taken on completely new meaning lately. I am not Government Issued, I am God Inspired...as are many strong, beautiful women in my life who share my scars..
As the phoenix rises from the ashes, so to shall we.
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